The Praise Paradox: When and Why Praise Backfires in Children With Low SelfEsteem

In contemporary Western society, many adults use praise to boost children’s self-esteem. Accordingly, they might praise those who seem to need it the most: children with low self-esteem. In this article, we review research showing that certain types of praise can backfire, especially in children with low self-esteem. Adults are inclined to give children with low self-esteem person praise (e.g., “You’re smart!”) and inflated praise (e.g., “That’s incredibly beautiful!”). Paradoxically, such praise can lower these children’s motivation and feelings of self-worth in the face of setbacks (e.g., when they struggle or fail). Lowered feelings of self-worth, in turn, might invite more person praise and inflated praise from adults, creating a self-sustaining downward spiral. We propose a transactional model to shed light on this apparent praise paradox, and we describe the model’s implications for theory and research. KEYWORDS—praise; self-esteem; transactional When twelve-year-old Linda arrived at the third level of her videogame, her father exclaimed, “You’re great! You have perfect coordination! You’re an expert player.” Linda lost interest and walked away. Her father’s praise made it difficult for her to continue because she said to herself, “Dad thinks I’m a great player, but I’m no expert. I made the third level by luck. If I try again, I may not even make the second level. It is better to quit while I’m ahead.”